Hi there world,

Hello! I'm Agus and I've been thinking about writing here for a long time, and I finally decided:

" what the heck, don't be afraid, nobody's gonna read this but you. And maybe your mom and your best friends... so hi mom!hi girls!" 

You're probably wondering what's the deal with all the fish-naming going on here. I hate to disappoint anyone who came here thinking there would be cool national geographic-ky pictures of fish.
I know nothing about fish, other than the fact that there's a fish called clown fish and they are really cute (thank you Pixar!). I actually just googled clown fish, just to see that I'm naming the fish correctly, it's a weird name after all. Okay, I digress. What was I saying? Oh yeah the name of the blog,


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Well, the thing is one of my favorite movies of all time, (and I do have a lot of favorites, i'm kind of easy when it comes to the stamp of approval for films, or as lily and robin would call it a "stamp tramp"), is "Big fish".

And it's a movie that really gets me everytime, partly because of Ewan Mcgregor, partly because of the beautiful story, but mostly because of the dialogue, and all the metaphors and symbolism that stay with you long after the film is over. The thing is, the main character is said to be a big fish in a small pond, and he has to go somewhere else to be challenged, he has to travel to see other thing because he's outgrown the little town he's from.

Well I used to think maybe I was a big fish too. The only thing that was on my mind since age 10 was the fact that I wanted to study abroad, to leave everything and everyone I knew behind me and start experincing the world.

Well, now I've done that, I'm studying in a big city in a different country, 13 thousand km away from home, and I don't feel big. I don't feel like I'm adulting the way I was supposed to, I feel like a little fish, like Nemo (if Nemo was a girl) trying really hard to be cool and be by myself and learn to be alone with my own thoughts and not be sad.

 Oh, and I'm also trying to grow up. I'm 23 now so I suppose it's about that time.

So I decided that it's time to start putting my thoughts somewhere, and maybe shared those thought with stranger on this infinite world that is the internet will make me feel like I'm doing something you know?

 Like maybe someone will be reading this at 2 o'clock in the morning because he couldn't sleep and he was feeling alone and he was browsing the net all insomniac and he stumbled upon this and he felt less alone, because he now knows he's not the only one who feels lost in this big old pond that is our planet. And know I'm babbling, i'm sorry.

What was my point? Oh yeah- I was explaining to you the "Big fish" thing,

So okay, if you saw this movie you know how the character mentions this big fish that he can't catch until the day he does and then he sets it free again?

 Well, I think I always thought it was a metaphore, about happiness. And how we always think it cannot be reached, it cannot be even grasped, until we finally think we have it, but it's just a momentary thing. Then we let it go until we can catch it again.

Well, maybe I'll be a small fish until I find my big fish (insert dirty joke here if you're in the mood?).

And also, maybe I'm an uncatchable fish in a way, because I'm always restless, trying to find that happy,peaceful place where I'll feel at home.

So theorethically speaking (Oh yeah this is science talk, haven't you noticed??) I'm a small uncatchable fish, looking for the big uncatchable fish. Wow, I'm just blowing my own freaking mind right now.


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 Anyway, until that day comes, I'll be struggling and trying to put with my awkward self together into one cool responsible adult, and I hope I succeed. Maybe with you invisible friends out there rooting for me, I will one day. And you will too.

Thanks for reading and congrats for making it til the end without falling asleep (I hope)!

Goodnight :)

The small uncatchable fish.